In this short, yet to the point article, we are going to see step by step, how to let go of toxic people from your life, without feeling overwhelmed.
If you find this article helpful, please share it with whome it might improve their life. Toxic relationships are the most hard addictions to let go of. You can also read our in depth article on how to let go in general here.
You shouldn’t think twice before you remove yourself from unpleasant circumstances and toxic people because it’s a necessary thing for your physical, emotional, and mental being and it’s okay for you to protect your health. Sometimes, you may not be able to fully recognize a toxic person and this person can make you feel isolated and inadequate with the degree of distress he or she creates.
Toxic behavior is what is often exhibited by a toxic person and the more you keep toxic people in your life, your ability to heal from them may be hindered. Toxic people misrepresent your worth, they’ll misrepresent reality to you, and run from accountability.
Nevertheless, take note that you’ll only give room for toxicity growth if you don’t take necessary actions but allow your values to be dismissed by toxic people.
Whether the toxic person is your family member, friend, or partner, being in a toxic relationship with them will make you feel less good about who you are, you’ll feel unsafe sometimes, you’ll feel unheard, and it will seem as if your effort or time means nothing. There is a handful of reasons why many stay in a toxic relationship. For some people, it may be because of an unhealthy cycle of abuse, or they’re partially stuck in a pattern.
Others who find themselves codependent try to be a people pleaser, fear conflict, resist change, have a lack of boundaries, or see themselves as a burden are likely to stay in a toxic relationship too. It may not be so easy to let go of toxic people but you must brace up yourself to do so and here are four simple steps to follow to let go;
Recognize the Red Flags
You would have probably heard the word “red flag” several times but in this case, note that we’re not talking about countries or any sport. Red flags simply have to do with the traits that you see in a person that makes them toxic.
It can also be like a feeling you get or a sense of distrust or dissatisfaction. It’s best if you can detect these behaviors as soon as you can and you’ll be able to know if the person is trying to manipulate you or not by evaluating the person; after you’ve identified the red flags.
Here are some examples of red flags:
• The person may abuse you verbally and/or physically
• The person repeats the same patterns of behavior repeatedly after you give a second chance
• The person is the victim and you’re the villain
• The person lies outrightly about anything, even if you catch him or her red-handed
• The person gets mad when you say no and ignore your boundaries
• The person doesn’t appreciate the goodness you provide while trying to be dear and care less about reciprocating
• Whenever you’re around the person, you tend to feel drained or used
• The person sabotages your self-esteem and points out imperfections
• The person is narcissistic and puts himself or herself first
Now that you’ve been able to identify the red flags, the next step you must take is to set boundaries. An important part of self-care is setting boundaries and you can leave any time.
You can set both physical boundaries and even emotional boundaries. Let go of that toxic person and set up a healthy emotional distance.
Is this person even listening to you? Is he or she fulfilling your needs? Are you respected? Tell the person how you feel and don’t walk on eggshells.
Do well to cut off the connection completely if the toxic person can’t hear you out.
However, you may at first set some boundaries for this person and pull back if this individual is in your inner circle. Nevertheless, if at all you want to consider giving the person a second chance, you must do this with a lot of caution because this person is likely to replay his or her former behaviors or actions if he or she is made to believe that he/she can get away with anything.
Invest in Yourself
An investment in yourself is the best investment you can ever make. As a matter of fact, loving yourself should be your greatest ambition. Have a sense of purpose, surround yourself with positive support, set goals, and take care of yourself.
These are some of the little ways you can invest in yourself. Know that you’re more than a million.
You deserve to be loved and you are worthwhile. For you to be able to let go of toxic people easily, you must have self-love.
Know When Forgiveness is Possible
It’s very possible that the person in question will make attempts to prove his or her worth. Maybe the person suffers from insecurity due to their inflated ego, the person has no idea of what a healthy relationship looks like, the person has some issues he or she is dealing with that makes him/her forget to be good to you or made some mistakes that make him/her appear horrible.
If the person tenders an apology, you can see that as a good place to start from. Now, be watchful of the person’s actions. Is he or she just trying to manipulate you?
Are you actually seeing changes? Are you seeing convictions that the decision to change is indeed true? Don’t be swiftly deceived by the person’s perceived personality or image but you must start trusting the person again once he or she starts doing the right thing.
However, even if the person shows remorse or vulnerability, ensure that you are sure there is growth and time has passed before you start forgiving the person. More so, it’s important that you understand what forgiveness really entails.
The fact that you forgave someone doesn’t mean that you have to do anything you don’t want to do, let the person back in, accept the same harmful behaviors from someone, or go back to the same relationship. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. It’s just a simple release of anger or resentment.
Proceed with caution if you must give that person a second chance but just to be clear, you can forgive the person without welcoming him or her back into your life again. And lastly, have it registered in your mind that forgiveness is essential for you and not for that person.
That’s it ! If you want to improve your social skills, I highly recommend you check this guy Owen Cook, he is a master of dealing with people.